Gossip Ghouls...I mean....Gossip Girls

If a girl asks her friend, “Are you mad at me?” and the friend replies,“No,” you'd likely consider the issue resolved. Right?

Wrong.

You see, there are nuances. For example, did you know that the friend replied without any eye contact? And did you understand that the friend showed no concern for the girl's inquiry; rather she turned away immediately?

And did you know that the girl had taken the time to confront this friend the day before on how they had plans and the friend took absolutely no responsibility for the fact that she never showed up?

You see, girls are tricky. They have a secret (and one might even speculate dishonest) form of communication. It is what I call the no-win wicked web of female complexity, an abyss of slippery walls out of which a rare few can climb.  It doesn't take a normal human female to free oneself of the web; it takes a master, a demi-god, a champion.

Trust between females is built through the mysterious and giggly sharing of secret emotions and thoughts. They make themselves vulnerable and this is the path to intimacy. Women take great risks and therefore generate a far more intimate bond than the males would generally attempt. This is why two females can hold hands and hang on each other and playfully seduce each other by soft, caressing motions without it ever being considered a sexual thing. Women are like sirens in the ocean of our travels.

Nonetheless, I too am a woman and therefore must balance this dark and sinister truth with all the golden light of a true woman. You see, women are not just wicked, as they have been forced to be for the purpose of survival in an oppressed world. They are also innocent. It goes unexplained that the undercover female lives in her secluded bat cave because that is exactly where she was told to go by those who raised her, protected her and loved her.

For if and when a woman actually steps out into the light, expresses her truth with uninhibited shameless power, there is a mountainous price to pay. It starts with the following statements:

Wow, what a condescending bitch.

She sure thinks highly of herself, doesn't she?

Control Freak.

She needs to know her place.

She is no lady.

She is obviously crazy.

These are the exact sort of statements that take a woman by the elbow and steer her right back under ground. Now stay down there Sugar. Everything must be indirect, manipulative, defensive and distrustful. And most of all, Dollface...now listen carefully, don't, whatever you do, think for one minute that anyone is gonna love you, respect you or support you, if you speak too loudly, too confidently or are too self-assured. Take it down a notch. For goodness sakes, smile. Make sure everyone thinks you are more than humble, but actually inferior. This will make everyone feel much much more comfortable about themselves and then perhaps they will allow you into their fold.

Consequently, it isn't the ghoulish girls I judge. They come by it honestly. Their ways are ancient and necessary. They are just doing what they were taught from the first day of life. Go around the bush. Slip it under the rug. Stuff it down deep into your gut. Don't be too real. Someone might slap you right back into the slippery hole from which you finally emerged

Or you could hang out with me and walk the streets in broad daylight, a disfigured and proud threat to the insecure egos of the world. C'mon, you know you wanna. Let's jump that train and let the wind blow our hair and scream our power across the rooftops!